The last few nights I have actually slept past 6:00, thats a pretty amazing thing to me when I was used to waking up at 2 or 3 am. I am still wrestling with my exact position and what I should be doing during the day. I do the majority of the bookeeping and keep up with clients, I do housekeeping as well so Pammy wont have to deal with it. We have a housekeeper that comes in every two weeks and kinda takes up the slack and polishes up behind me. I guess all in all it's not a bad life if Cancer were not the impetis behind it. I supose after time I will come to settle in and be more okay with things. Over the weekend in Matagorda my friend steven and I sat on the back deck on sunday morning and we talked. After a little while the talk swung my life before Texas and right away I discovered why Steven was a good law enforcement officer and currently is a very good judge. He knew how to ask the tough questions and did, one after another, hitting the truth every time. I am not going to talk about every little part of the conversation, I will just say, Thank you Steven , you did give me emotional relief. I still feel guilt for not having a relationship with my son. I have altered my perception where my Father and history repeating it self is concerned, what my father did and what I did can hardly be compared although I did for many years. I think my ex wife was a ballistic missle pointed at divorce for many years and that would have happened no matter my actions. Guilt really sucks and I am glad to have a little less of it. Always with love,
Tony.