Spring

Its Spring ~ The Possum Haw and Cedar Elm have lovely young green leaves. The spirea are in a full bloom. I worked in the garden for 3 1/2 hours last Saturday cutting back and weeding. I have taken care of most of the ruellia. Who's idea was it to introduce the ruellia? Our poor neglected garden is coming to life. Yet one more reminder that life goes on. I miss you ~ I look out the window and expect to see you out there with your spray rig on ~ happily cheering on the plants. I love you so much Darlin Man.

I miss you

I miss you Darlin Man … I miss your smile, your calm, your sense of humor, your touch and your opinion. I could use a little of your common sense right about now.
I love you so .... Pammy

Valedicere ( latin; to say goodbye)

My name is Shannon Sawyer. I am a friend of Tony and Pam Parscal. I have asked to make an entry in Tony’s blog. I know there are many who love Tony that read this, and that there are many that have never met Tony, but have been following his journey here.

Tony left this world on Sunday, November 16th at 12:51 p.m. He was at home with his family near him. His memorial service will be Sunday in Austin at 2:00.

Tony was one of the most unique and loving people I have ever known. He called me his love child - born of his love of fishing and Pam. We had several fishing trips together - some more successful than others - but we always had a GREAT time. Coming home from an overnight in Rockport where we froze and stood in vertical drizzle, we stopped for a train and got out of the car to dance around the vehicles. Such was his joy for life and fun. Tony was the kind of guy you could talk to about anything and have an interesting discussion. He always valued what you had to say, even if he did not agree with you.

Tony was blessed with an amazing family that he absolutely adored. His number one girl was Pam. What a love story! There was never a doubt about the devotion they both had for each other. They inspired others with their consideration, and I know I took a few notes about being a true partner. His number 2 girl is Erika. While not his daughter by birth, he told me over and over again how special she is to him. He loved her fiercely and I know she was able to give him comfort in his last days. Ryan, the amazing musician that is Tony’s stepson, was a rock for Tony. Tony spoke with such pride of all of his accomplishments, and Ryan was such a vital part of Tony’s last days on this earth.

Pam. You are stronger than you know. Thanks to you, Tony’s wishes were carried out. Tony stayed home. Tony had his family near him. Thank you for being so open with your journey and allowing others to be there. We are all still here for you.

I love Tony Parscal, and if you knew him, you would love him too.

He is missed deeply, but Pam says it perfectly when she describes time with Tony as a gift.
We were all blessed by knowing and loving him.
For that , I am grateful.

It very strange hearing the doctor tell me other day that instead of a couple years I probably have just a couple of months. I dont feel like someone that only has a couple of months left to live, I do not feel that way at all. Maybe the the drugs are better at this level. I feel more stable and clear, my appetite still sux But there is this terrficic natural substance that has improved my appetite. Shannon is coming tomorrow to visit for a couple of days and i am so looking forward to it. She is an amazingly speacial young woman to me. I can't but see some of this as a death watch. I have to remind myself of what kind of friends I have. we have a circle of friends that would show up at 3:00 in the morning if I needed that. I am sonstantly amazed by the fact they would really do most anything and have proven it a number of times. Shannon and I are going fishing if we we able
Always with love
Tony.

The early morning Cha-cha

I am backup again doing the 2:00 am thing again. it remends me of the mornings we got up to go fishing, many of the them. it didnt seem where we were going or how long we were gonna stay there it was always a requirement that we get up way before dawn to go fishing. and always the fishing. there was one particular trip i remember in the Bay. My Dad had planed a trip on Ray Francis's boat. That was one of the few time a catastrophe did not occur. Trouble always seemed to follow my dad, not this time. We got into the stripers pretty quick and as there is a slot limit in CA, we didnt want to run through our limit that quickly. I asked why he just didnt turn on the fish finder and get some more? this guy was about 5' " and solid muscle. His foverite saying " You dont ask a Potugee to this or that" so we would move away from rhat area and start catching sharks. Sharks are fun to catch. They fight real well and when you get them on deck you hafta either shoot em and tem em home with you or cut em loose before begin flopping. A flopping Shark on the deck of a bout is not good. The weather is fabulous here in Texas. Camping in my very near future.
Always with love
,Tony.

Unsung hero

I thinking I am feeling better, I still get nateuaus, but not so bad . I have several jobs coming up and that be will be good for my botttom line . I need to get out and work if I can and I will attempt to do just that. This Cancer thing causes me to focus on me more than anything and people have told me I need I need to do just that. The troubling part of all this though that Pammy kinda get left in the dust. Of course it is not intention to leave Pammy behind but while I am placingall of my attention on me she gets forgotten. She has no intention to draw attention to herself and she knows I need to do what what I am doing, I need to work a little better a little harder not allowing her to become a forgotten part of the relationship. There is no way in the world that I could get through any of this without her being here and helping as much as she does. Pammy I have always adored you I could not survive withthout you, I know a get a little nasty that has little to do with you and more to do with the fact that every time I am brought level with my limititations I do not react well. I am constantly rememiding my seldf and with time I think will i improve this part of me.

Always with love
Tony.

It looks like it,s gonna be another beautiful day out there today, it is is fall. I very much like fall and all the color from it. In Texas we plant our our colorful plants in October and November. I always plant a lot of Anuualas to put in when fall arrives, this year will be no different than others. I love annual color, Pannsies, snaps, Dianthus. There is nothing prettier than a bed all dressed up with annal color. I have several to take care of next week. It has been a tough transitition for Shaun, there is no doubt whatsoever he is a hard worker, he is not a gardener though and that has been difficult for him. He has no trouble with the mechanical parts of things, I think gardeneing is part intuition and just plain seeng thing otheres may not see. Gardening is placing height, texture and color in the proper combinations to illicit the most stunning affect. I do it it by intuition, I can not really explain how I go about it, I just seem to know. I have a strong passion for gardening and this is my time of the year.

Always with love,
Tony.

Lets go camping

Pammy and i are talking about taking some time and going camping, we havnt been camping fora couple of years and I would look forward to that. My brother is coming near the end of November perhaps that might be a good time to go. I will need to set it up , neither of them is very good at getting things like that arranged. If he doesnt change the date again as he has once allreadyHe had been switch work dates with a coworker and apparently the co worker needed to change the the day. Fortunately my days are not cluttered and can be changed fairly easly. I love to go camping and Ink's lake is one of my favorite places to go so we shall see how all that works out. In the mean time I think I am feeling a little better. I am gonna go get some sleep and see what Tomorrow has in in store for me.

Always with love,
Tony.

Yesterday Chemo was called off , they said my blood levels were too low and I guesss I apreciate them watching my blood levels while they pour toxic chemicals into to attempt to kill the cancer. I defere to the expertise of the Doctors always but I wonder do I shorten my presently shortened life by allow the put on hold a treatment that I may need. I will need to speak to the Doctor on this when I next see her. I am enjoying the current cold front we are having, Texas really is a wonderful place in the late fall and winter. I like to go camping in the winterand I usually take the boat out and do so me fishing as well. I hope this hold thing gets worked out, It's gonna be a beutiful day.

Always with love
Tony.

I had no Chemo yesterday, they told me it was because my blood levels could not take what they needed to throw at it. I hope their seming lack of urgency is not going to hurt me inthe end. Pam and I ve been have a similar arguement here, Pam thinks I am unwilling to leave the box and attempt something new. I am not wanting to stayin place here because just because it is herem I trust my Doctorbecause she is kind and gentle and I hve never gotten the impression thay she has had any thing but my best intententions at heart. I f there was something new out there she would know about it an tell me about it. Till further notice I am gonn stay in my Box,it's the not worst place to be everyone can develope a comfort most any where they are I apreciate people's concern for my well being Always with love ,
Tony.

The snake is still laying on the patio, headless and benign, which it wasnt last night I am telling myself for the umteentht time that I need to buy a varmint gun. maybe this time I wont just blow it off and next time maybe Will next door wont be home or whatever, I need to get one of my own.It is a beautiful snake, no doubt although seen under proper context very dangeroous. I dont really fear much but a person would be stupid to not to akgnowledge how dangergerous a 5 foot Ratteler would be, I dont know many stupid people and lived through it. We are experiencing beautiful Gorgous evenings, these are the days why people move to Austin and August and september are why the think of moving back.

Always with love,
Tony.

Varmints

Thinking is dangerous and up untill this point I havnt had to do much or couldnt do much. I dont know what has caused the loss of cognignitve abitilties but since I didnt know why I had lost or even that I had it shoulnt have a huge dissapointment when I found I had. Quite the the paradox dont you think? He is not aware of what is changing around him even though he is right there in the middle of things. I am led to believe things are changing, Pam paints a rather grim scene of me being completely unaware.I just killed a 6 ft Rattler snake that the dogs stirred up, I called the neighbor and he came over with his 12 gauge and blew its head off. pretty cool stuff, I am definitelygoing to buy a varmint killer, one of those lose little 40 gauge shot guns that ill get every thing from snakes to Opossums to Armadillos.I was hoping snakes were done done for the year. This one had a very loud rattle and was moving a bit sluggish because of the cold weather. I hadnt seen any this year and certainly none that large, so it is somewhat surprising to run into a big guy this late in the year. hopefully that is the one and only we will see. I am tired guyseveryone rest well.

Always with love,

Tony.

Steven has suggested I talk about fishing more, I certainly like fishing and could probabably spend pages and pages on fishing. When cancer takes over your life and it has for me it's very easy to allow that to become the focus of conversation, there have been some days when I was fairly certain I was going die on that day. What the hell do you talk about when death seems to be immenent?. The Doctor doesnt mention it except to say my cancer is very aggressive. One of these day it will surge forth and plow me under. Now I admit fishing is a much more pleasant topic of convervsation. My brother is coming out for 4 days near the end of November and depending on how I feel, everything seems to depend on that these days, he and I will go fishing. I have found november to be pretty reliable weather wise so I think we may go camping. Perhaps up at Inks Lake, which I really like a lot. It's a very pretty place . One of the thigs I find very interesting with my diease you cannot really make long range plans which was always my thing to do, now I am never certain how I will be feeling at any particular time. On a very off note I am incubating chickens here in the house, I have never done this before and by my calculations may be off althouh I understand they do not need to be precise. I just need to flip them over every now and again. I plan to band the hatchlings and all further Hatchlings the rest of this year, they will be next years young with this years just starting to lay, believe it or not this years young will be old after about about 2 years and and I will have to screw up the courge to make them part of dinner. There is a cycle to all of life.

Aways with love

Tony

I love Texas, I really I do. However I miss fishing on the west coast. When I look back at my earlier years, I went fishing a lot, there were several resovoirs nearby my house. I would catch Pan Fish by the tons . One of my favorite places to go was DelleValle Resovoir, most times the fish would hit before the weight hit the bottom. I guess thats what I miss most about the west coast, the diversity. Within a few hoursI could fly fish crystal clear streams or Delta river for striped Bass. Or I could go into the bay and catch striped bass and we did many times. Texas is great, Dont get me wrong perhaps I just dont have as much time as I used to I certainly Dont have the time recently. I am going to focus on going fishing more often.

Always with love
Tony.

Reflections

I had a blood transfusion yesterday, if any one had told me a year ago I was gonna do this stuff I would have called them nuts. Sometimes I do still float the river of denial, I cannot do that really very very much of that because I am reminded each and and every day of the enemy that lurks within me. Were I a wealthy man I would stay in town only long enough to obtain treatment, leaving thereafter for some exotic place where women wear little and it's always warm. The flip side of this is what if I were alone and had no insurance? I am sure that happens all over the country at some point or another. I am always thankful for Pam in my life I couldnt image what it would be life with out her. This is very tough on her and in some ways I thougher on her than me. I am very focused on my goals and I have come enjoy being alone she has work as well as all the financial worries and then me. She says she wouldnt have it anyother way but I wonder sometimes and I wouldnt blame her one bit if she did. I am still getting rants and raves about the party, of course it went of spectacularly, it always does but this one I think was extra special and will be remembered for some time.

Always with love,

Tony.

Great life

We had the party on Sat and it was fabulous as always, This one did seem be a little more terrific than those in the past. I proved some things to my self such as the fact that it doesnt require as much work to get ready for the party as i thought it did. I used to work for weeks to get thengs ready, This time a round I used my my crew, or rather pammy did and prepared the place. Ryan is a superior musician and the band he brought played some excellent music. we hit a window of wonderful weatherand best of all I felt good. Thats not a sure thing by any stretch these days. I didnt really feel all that great on friday and I dont feel well today. Maybe it was all the positive energy and there was tons of it. I was actually kinda upset at first because I thought this a was a Goodbye party. And the truth is it may very well be for some because some in the group I only see once a year. I cannot believe how nice the weather was and the entire experience can really be sumed up with one one Perfect. For those of you that came and a lot of you that read this page did, I spoke with most of you. For those of you that were envited and didnt come you missed one hell of a party. I have some of the best friends a man could have. I also have a great life.

Always with love,

Tony.

Rabbit hole

I just climbed out of the rabbit hole, I was told there would be some rough moments, I had no idea what was in store for me. I literally lost weeks of my life, dont ask me how many because I dont know. Yesterday, I felt much better and today I actually feel good. I will be thrilled if I never repeat that part of my life again. We are having our fall party on Sat I am looking forward to it very much , we have over 40 on the list . I am searching for words to write, the problem is I have such a huge whole in my memory. I have never experienced such a thing where I search my brain and there juat wasnt any thing there. I will write a gain afterthe party, I should have some thing to say at the poiint.
Always with love ,
Tony.

Do they think we are stupid?

How fruatrating must it be to be Ron Paul? I have wathed this guy Talk and talk telling us what he considers to be the truth and he was just farting in the breeze. People called him a nutt and didnt listen. It turns out that Mr Paul was and is correct, his roots are strong based in libertairianism . we wouldnt be in this predicament if we hadnt spent more than we earned. How difficult is that concept? Spend within your means and no more, didnt our parents do that? I dont think my father owned a credit card. I remember hearing about a bill Congressman Paul wrote called the daylight act, this bill simply required everyone about to sign a bill to read it thouroughly first. Simple? apparently few do and sign anyhow, thats our government at work they are ready spend our money in massive amounts and often havnt even read the bill. Tony's requirement to get a bill signed would be to explain why the money is needed and how much will be needed in five sentences or less, if you cannot then go home and get a real job. Now the guys that built this massive shit hole we are sinking deeper and deeper into have convinced us they need piles of out money so we can get out. They created it and they think they can lead us out. Two words will take care of a lot of this TERM LIMITS,
Always with Love
Tony.

Politics with your Cancer

I think it's interesting that this total stir has developed over the VP selection by John Mccain. The most recent push by the left has been that she is not experienced enoughto take over when Sen Mccain kicks the bucket, I say when because he has been portrayed as old and not having enough time left to complete his term and she in my opinion frightens them. I find it fascinating that on the other end Senator Obama who's main message was change chose a VP who is capable of any but change. This man has been in the Senate for 35 years and has been behind many of the things Obama has vehemently opposed. Tony's # 1 rule in politics is it's all about image, Sen Obama had the image of no experience so he picked a guy with mega experience. Senator Mccain has the image of age and intolerance, who better than Gov Palin, young vibrant and conservative, very conservative. IMAGE, thats all thats importatnt. I believe a very early VP was right when he said the Vice Presidents office amounts to bucket of warm spit. I had a Chemo treatment to and I got my MRI and CT scan reports back, I do actually have a brain much to many people's disbelief. The brain I do have is currently free of Cancer. The CT scan has found a fifty percent shrinkage in my lymph nodes in my chest. The oncologist says that is much better than expected. She is very happy with the current progress, I like it when my oncologist is happy.
Always with Love
Tony.

Just another crisis

This journey of mine called cancer has provided many challenges, some I have written about others are far too personal and have not. For the most part I have weathered the challenges and come out the other side just a little worse for the wear, this is cancer after all. I have had my wonderful wife there every step of the way, I think save a few incidents the various crisis have been harder on her than me. Yesterday everything changed, the day started normally enough, I felt some preasure and a little pain in my lungs I have felt that before. Pammy says she knew something was wrong, I dont know that would have made any difference but she still was beating herself up about it. We left the house to run errands around mid afternoon we stopped for lunch, The pressure in my right lung had been building, it has done this before and I thought it would subside. It didnt. We had just finished lunch when I asked Pammy to take me to the ER I could not breath and the pain was tremendous. The next hour or so untill the Morphine went into the IV was the longest of my life and I was convinced I was gonna die. We pulled into the ER there was a nurse out front taking a woman to her car in a wheel chair I got her attention by shouting I can't breath. Shouting it a dozen more times in the crowded waiting room got me into the back within moments and angering the waitng people. Remember, I thought I was gonna die. It took maybe another 30 minutes or so, though it seemed like hours. Finally sweet relief and I realized I would live after all. When all was said and done, after an Exray and CT scan nothing was found abnormal. That has been a constant theme for me, my lung scans have been normal, the blood clots were there as they expected but no damage they could see that would cause the pain. The Doctor could only guess and say that debris has sluffed off and settled in causing the crisis. After several hours they released me with pain pills which I took when I got home. This morning everything is back to normal I feel tired from the experience but have no Pain. Go figger, such is my life and it makes me wonder what the next crisis will bring.
Always with love,
Tony.