Cooler weather

The hurricane was a total bust as far as rain for us at home, althought the north breeze that is filtering in behind it sure feels good and should keep temps and humidity down for a few days. This is the time of year I like most, this time of the year keeps people living in Central Texas, because who the heck would want to live here if it were 100 degrees year around? The damage created by Ike on the coast was certainly impressive and it seems Texas has has been eager to respond. I go back and forth on what the correct response should be to people that live in an area that will have a hurricane at some point. Houston is one thing, there are what 5 million people there? Disaster that occurs there will need to be dealt with on a large scale, I wonder though about the people that have homes right on the coast and what their responsibility for damage should be. This thought may not be politically correct but if you live on the coast should not your homeowners insurance be higher than mine? and mine shouldnt go up because there was a hurricane that destroyed homes and people want to replace them. Texas has some of the highest rates in the country and the insurance companies constantly use costly hurricane seasons as an excuse to hike the rates on everyone. I reject this theory and think that if you really want to live somewhere your house may get trashed by a natural disaster, then you pay more for the priveledge. Afterall who wouldnt want to live on the coast, it's gorgous, some can afford it and some cant. I am gonna enjoy the cooler weather and complain about the fact an over hyped hurricane gave us no rain at all.

Always with love,
Tony.

I had to laugh yesterday, a friend called from Michigan to ask how we were doing. I told her we could use some rain and Ike probably wasnt gonna deliver. She was kinda stunned, she was certain we were preparing to climb in a rowboat any time. The reason for the chuckle is I had just finished an entry here earlier and she hadnt yet read it but had just gotten home from work and of course had heard all the media coverage on the devastation Ike was creating. Pam and I went to a friends house for dinner and they had the weatherchannel on, I cannot imagine why anyone would want to watch a 24/7 weather channel. Thats really the world we are in now isnt it? News is 24/7 and there is a lot of it available You could sit there and literally watch Hurricane all the the time. Before my Mother in law passed on she would do little more than spend hours watching Sattelite TV and she would get caught up in the drama that was some skirmish at the far ends of the earth or the inevitable catostrophic flood in Bagladesh. I wonder when news actually crosses the line and becomes enternaiment what that says about us as people and a society. We as a people do love to watch a train wreck and have a fascination with other peoples distress, I guess it has really always been that way, only now if some poor woman in Bangladesh has to climb a tree during a flood and then has a baby while in the tree, millions hear about it before the baby is born. I ask again what that says about us, I guess I really shouldnt, one need only look homeward and the purely performance art that is our presidential election to get a great example of who we are and want we want for entertainment.

Always with love,
Tony.

Of Hurricanes and drama

Here I am in Central Texas and yet one more Hurricane is about to hit the coast. Oh but this one had so much promise. I have lost count how many have preceeded it, each one with the promise of soaking rain, no such rain delivered. Ike is is likely to repeat this sorry little drama as it's predecessors have. I have long since derived any pleasure from the herds of meterologists standing on the seawalls of Texas getting drenched when a surge heads skyward and I have wondered, is it considered a rite of passge for some weather person to be blown sideways in a 60 mile an hour wind? Inevitably I am required to calm my mother down when she calls thinking the entire state of Texas is under water. Drama and media are enextricably entertwined, how can that be argued, with a presidential election on the horizon. For that reason I watch little or no Television, I listen to news on radio, I think it is important to know what is going on. I do get tired of the drama and the hyperbole and take it with a grain of salt. Yesterday I spoke beiefly of clarity of mind, having had experienced a day of such clarity and knowing today will be the same or better, I feel I have gone over a hump. I do not know what my physical state is going to be, I regularly get tired and need to nap but I am thrilled with the fact that mind is clearing and will consider this a victory.

Always with love,
Tony.

I am not Lazy

I talked to my friend Steven the other day to touch bases and he called me lazy because I havnt written here for some days. I am not a writer, I dont have either the discipline nor the creativity to come up with engaging reparte each and every day, Sometimes things strike me as intersting or some part of may past jumps in and I share it. The more humorous part of this is I spoke with Steven's wife a day or two later and she told about a book she found and was gonna send my way. She said the book was written by a woman who had experienced similar issues as I have, the name of the book is " I have had brain surgery what is your excuse? " In jest I have used that line. The thing is when you combine the hole that was drilled in the left side of my skull and all the other issues like massive amounts of radiation and now Chemo, not to mention the meds a simple question asked of me such as " How are you? " is not as simple as one might think. It's even funnier when a Doctor asks the question, I have started answering them I have no idea, you tell me. I will say honestly I am experiencing a clearer mind if not a stronger body of late, along with the clearer mind comes an ability to make decisions I couldnt make previously. I think this will improve and I have noticed that as it has my little world I was cocooned within has expanded. This journey has at the very least been interesting, that seems strange to say, but after all it is my life and from where I stand I just calls em as I sees em.

Always with love,
Tony.

It feels good to work

Somewhere in the continuim that is time and space I lost a good chunck of what was last week. I had a Chemo treatment on Tues, nothing terribly exciting as usual, Wed went fairly normal. On Thursday I was wiped out, no energy. I watched 9 straight hours of Macgyver season 1 I had it courtesy of Netflix. Who didnt want to be that guy at one time? Well maybe it was a man thing, nonetheless he was cool and it was the perfect RX for what ailed me on that day. On Friday I slept all day long or at leat in between short attempts at getting something done. All is not lost because I had work scheduled for Sat and not only did I work a full day I also drove my truck and trailer to the sight and home. This may sound silly to some but it was and is important to me. Of all my limitations I have become aware of over the last coule of months driving was the one that bothered mr the most. I felt confined and chained to the house, I had assumed I wouldnt be able to react quickly enough if I took the wheel. Fortunately That wasnt true and we all survived just fine. I was also unsure about how long I could work on Sat, I had to push myself a few times. I have to say it felt great to work, I dont know what is yet to come, I do know a few questions I had were answered, I will accept the victories as minor as they may be.

Always with love ,
Tony

The culprit has been identified

I can not remember a time in my life where I have been prone to to extremes of emotion, highs and lows were not a part of my emotional makeup. Certainly there were slightly blue moments and most certainly there were happy moments, as most people experience. The last few months have been a totally different thing all together. No emotion at all for some people might be described as a good thing, a kindof robotic state where tasks are accomplished as long as instructions are receved. When I was in the hospital I have little memory of what occured, I am told it was because of large amounts of drugs especially one by the name Dexamethazone, a steroid and a not a very nice one even though it does it's job very well which is reduce swelling. I have been on that particular steroid now for since I was released and the Docs have cranked it up and cranked it down. Time has come to get rid of it all together and since I know it is responsible for all that has made me less than normal isnt it great that at the end of the tapering off I can believe life will again be good and productive? I am ready to feel true emotion again, I am ready to get excited again. I have told people I feel Muted, I am ready to shut off the mute button. I doubt many people will have any idea what I am talking about, I may not know what I am talking about. I may be hanging my hat on something that may not happen. We shall see, either way I yearn to feel normal again.

Always with love,
Tony.

I seem to latch on to one subject and then expand from there, the initial thought is not always easy to grab. Pammy and I have been discussing for several years since her Father then her Mother passed on how we would take care of our final affairs. It wasnt that it was difficult to do with her parents, in fact it was fairly simple because her parents had most things prepared. Having said that, My wife and I proceeded to a place in Austin called Remembrance Gardens. I knew of this place without knowing all the details. I researched it on the the web and was pleased with what I heard. We arrived and took a walk in the Gardens, Immediately I was surrounded by large old growth Oaks and an immaculate Garden. There was running water to be heard, and serenity was the word that came to mind. Pammy and I have always said we would be cremated that has not changed, we just hadnt decided what we would do next. Remembrance Gardens will place a small Granite marker in the garden with the names engraved. They will also perform a ceremony distributing ashes if you wish. As we walked through the garden we noticed the entire Garden was nondemonational, it seems any religeon or nationality was welcome. The Gardens had a wall honoring Peace officers killed in the line of duty. We have decided to put a marker in the garden, so people that wish will have a place to come, a beautiful place a Serene place, the sort of place I might create for myself.

Always with love,
Tony.