The port of entry for my poison of choice was implanted today and it was all just kimda routin and not vry exciting. I am unaware other than what they told me they wre going to to do, the team did such a great job with the meds I plainly slept through it all, Great.I am looking forward to the Island this weekend, having a few days off will be enjoyed most heartedly. Pammy and I are getting into this Rythyum, I beleieve we will handlle whatever comes our day, It is obvious the the nature of what is comiing and and it all has a name Cancer, that feared name of alll, I dont think I fear it. We are heading for the beach tomorrow, I just plan on hanging out and enoying every breath that enters my body, this particular point seems to contain and ending and a beginning, there is value in all all of this I am looking fforward to it. sorry about the shortie.

Always with Love
Tony.

I am always amazed at how quickly time passes, even at a point of my life when I might want the flow to slow a bit, it blurs on by. Friday ends my adventure in radiation, The Doctor tells me it has been a success, I have few reasons to believe otherwise. Other than a sunburn on my bald head it wasnt terribly traumatic either. The Cancer treatment train rumbles on, it now feels like an unstoppable force, more than once yesterday I found myself thinking " I would like to get off now" No such luck in that regard. In all fairness, the treatment center that is working with me do an incredible job under difficult circumstances. To a person they have been professional and helpful, how they keep a positive and mostly cheerful attitude is way beyond me. The radiation dept treats what I find myself upon as a sort of graduation, the departing patient rings a bell and has confetti thrown. I understand the need to congratulate a person for the completion of what for some is very difficult process. I experienced none of that, am I also due a congratulation? Pammy and I attended what the cancer center calls Chemo Class yesterday, they said it would take an hour and half, I guess it did, although it seemed like it was hours. I now know evrything I never wanted to know about Chemotherapy, certainly there are peices of information I needed and will use. I guess it was necessary for the Nurse that was hosting the class to talk in circle and repeat herself adnauseum, I do not have a lot of patience for that stuff. Armed with this information I march into Chemo therapy on Tues, the largest concern at this point is nausea. There is nothing appealing about this, I trust tho that the doctor is well on top of the potiential problem. the receiving of the Chemo will happen once every three weeks and intententionally is structured casually, I have no real precoceived notions of what I will experience during and after, so my plan is is to trudge on dealing with what comes up as it does.

Always with love,
Tony.

I am not certain why I chose this photo this morning as a starting point to write about about, I simply saw it in my Archives and thought it felt apropriate. This little mutt was the most irrascable creature I have ever had the privelige to know. He was dumped at the end of our street many years ago, that happened more often in those days as we were very rural and are somewhat less so now. His name was Homey and to say he had an attitude would be an understatement. His time is finished on this planet and like all dogs his memory and purpose is often limited to that of those that housed him and cared for him. Homey was a dog that had a rough first part of his life and once he decided he would live here, I believe he decided, he truly wasnt gonna let anyone forget where he came from. He loved having the 2 acres upon which we live and would rome all over, he would accept the food and the utility room during cold months to sleep. Most every thing else was off limits, when you would try to brush or pet him his teeth would bare and he would growl the entire time. As if to say go ahead and do what you are doing and I will complain the whole time. Towards the end of his life, he plainly and destinctly announced, " No one shall screw with me " thus it was so. Homey received no baths or grooming and became very stinky. Much like one of those big shaggy homeless guys we see and are afraid to get near. Cya ya homey, I think you were a cool dog. This morning I attend Chemo class, I dont know what that entails, I will tell you tho that it has made the whole thing just a tad bit more real. One week from today Chemo therapy begins and it dont get any more real than that. I will have an entry port surgically implanted in my right shoulder this Thursday, kind of an easy access point for all of those nasty chemicals that are supposed to kill the Cancer and somehow not me. Knowing all this, you have to say the next move was a stroke of genius, Our good friends Steven and Analisa are going to Matagorda island to celebrate 35 years of marrige. He chose well because I dont think there is another woman on this planet capable off putting up with that man for that length of time. We are invited to came along, I have been told I am allowed to do nothing but hang out on the beach and relax, sounds great to me, I will more than likely miss a few posts at the end of the week.

Always with love,
Tony.

I was a very skinny kid, that's not to say my parents didnt feed me well. It was the Sixties, fast food as we know it didnt exist, most of the time meals were consumed at home, everyone present, around a table. I say without reservation that if you know any families that do this regurlary today they will be a happy healthy family unit. I am not just talking about the food, I am talking about the emotional value of a family spending time in one place together. I have no doubt when the family unit started to slip many things came slipping right behind it. I guess I probably wasnt paying attention, those were the days where very few kids were overwheight,at least in the circles I traveled. We all played hard, I can remember these long winded, sometimes they would go for hours, games of progressive tag. the rules were that one person was established it he or she would allow a period of time for everyone to hide.we would sometimes have 20-30 kids playing in one game. When everyone had hid the searcher would commence to find just one kid because when he did that and was able to Tag that person now there were two searching and both would look for another. The rules stated you could not tag more than one kid at a time, but I will tell you what, things got reall interesting when 5 or more searchers would see a kid and run him down, it became a game of strategy and endurance and strength. Do kids play these sort of games any more? Is it any surprise at all that the exchange of good run out side for a television and munchies would result in this next generation being our fattest ever. I have also noticed these days that if the kid is fat more than likely the parents are as well. We dont live in the sort of communities we used to live, wouldnt it be great if the parents and the kid would get a bike and take long rides together, Or more simple yet, running shoes and go on long regular walks, How would that be for strenghthening the family unit, you could always talk along the way, The family has ideed slipped and it saddens me.

With love always
Tony.

Who in the world would not rather do this instead of working? I love fishing and boating of course, Work however is my passion. It isnt just the work, it's the process, of taking a project from start to finish. There are so many variables that can occur if one isnt a decent negotiator, I love the negotiating process. I happen to know plants as well if not better than most, I know that if you can make the client understand that good soil condition, Quality plants and quality mulch are important, you are virtually assured success. Having said all of that, I executed a design yesterday and it was fabulous. Before my Cancer, I would hit the job site and was capable of out working any laborer I had highered. In line with those established perameters and I know I set the bar very high.it was not uncommon to find me on hands and knees, crawling through the beds cleaning and trimming. I could could in the past clean and plant and mulch a bed in no time at all. Yesterday everything was different, while my approach to completing the project had dramaticly changed, I think the importance of my presence had not. The clients we serviced yesterday were very involved in the Landscape and the project it'self, I had some trepidation as to the level of their emotional involvement, for the most part they were helpful ,non combative and ,the project All in all was enhanced by their their involvement. That isnt always so and I will usually do all I can to keep a client aways from the work area. I was certainly throughly spent after yesterday and slept like a Baby, I slept until 6:00 tpfay, since the surgery thats the record.

Life begins again

To say my life has been altered since late June when I was StarFlighted to the hospital, all the while on the periferal hearing " He is having a stroke." I am not so certain that a stroke wouldnt not have been preferable to that has to come to light since. And the alteration of what was a fairly quiet, somehat organized life has now been spun on it's ears and is still spinning. There was hope for about a week, while the eggheads were scanning their scans and pushing medicine through me. My Neurosurgen was almost totally convinced there was simply an infection. Even as the Naysayers, the Cancer pronouncers were gathering forces, the lightsight made a valliant effort. I rarely think of the seizure now, apparently the legion in my brain, lord knows how long it lie there with what intent mimiced a stroke very well indeed when it blast off, anouncing it intentions to one and all. I was very much wrapped up in the experience of what came to be known as a seizure had never and sincerely hope to never experience anything like it again. I think of my Father inlaw, he experienced multple sezure later on in his lifeHe was a wonder man, in fact he became a surrogate father for me at least in the short term before we said goodbye.As to my singular sezure experience, no matter how long I live if I never have another that wont be long enough. The best I can describe the entire experience and I am possitive I wont come close. I woke up because I couldnt catch my breath, everything around became distant and amorphous. As the event tightened it's grip on me I could hear my wife, obviously distressed shoughting at me and asking questions while on the telephone to 911. Somehow I thought I could walk it off so I attempted to do just that. I recall nothing in the tunnel I was sliding down into, other than this ongoing repetive rumbling sound ( my labored breathing ) Unknown to me Pammy had me in a Bear Hug the whole time to protect me from my self, all the wile trying to communicate to 911. She and I went down to the floor and the seizure began. I am told the main event while somewhat spectacular was short in duration. I slowly gathering a little awareness about me, enough for me anyway to realize that I was not gonna let the EMT's drag my ass out of my house naked. Priority number one at that point clothing, I had no ability to speak, the right side of my body barely functioned, hence the thought of stroke. No matter the priority was in there amazing, Up I got and kinda after a fashion moved from kitchen to bedroom, much to the consternation of wife and 911 operator. Had I been capable of further thought perhaps a more complete set of clothing, but n0 I had my Boxer Briefes on and I was content. I managed to get into a chair much to Pammy's reliefe and the deluge of medical personnell began in earnest. I was poked and prodded, asked numerous questions for which I had only grunts and attempts at indesipherable words. Convinced of Stroke I was to be wisked away on a helecopter, I have never ridden one and exept for a few scattered images may not as of yet. Upon arrival at the hospital, who is the very person I see? I have no idea how she talked the hospital into allowing her there but when the Gurney hit the ground Erika Jeanne had my hand tight and didnt let go. Today, I will be in the field, working, certainly not at the level I previously demanded of my self, I will howevere be working and as much as I have come to do ok with a manegerial position, hower, Today I work and............Life begins, again.

Always with love,
Tony.

Yesterday was a strange day, it was as if someone had removed the top of my head and poured in all this info, telling me not for a moment what to do with it. Those memories may filter in I will allow for that, I think rather than force them I will Talk about family again. Dad instilled in us a love of outdooors and nature, I have mutiple memories of cruzing back on some loging road, having not the slightest idea where we are going. My dad would have had a field day with a GPS unit. We as chidren ended up in some the coolest camping spots, I dont know how he found them but they always and perhaps it was the age but they seemed just that more magical for his efforts. I was also a member of the Boy Scouts which simply gave me a much stronger foundation in the out doors I enjoy today. Having spent a few days with my younger brother and whats more having enjoyed the experience, I realized he is almost like my dad. I dont think Clark received the mechanical abilities I did from Dad, I am not sure he fixes things like dad could. There was no misting the relation and there were many times I would look at my brother and lsten and as Yogi Berra might say " It's Deja Vu all over again" My parents divorced as many did in those day and nany continue to divorce. Clark lived with my Mom and visited my Dad' s regularly and he seems to have worked out for the better I think of him as highly stable until I present reality and tell him who the better looking male is in the family.

Always with Love,
Tony.